Easter has come and gone. This year was more meaningful than the last several years have been for two reasons – my son learning the story and my perspective of the story.
It has been exciting to see my son learning and remembering the Easter story. I am thankful for a mother who helps teach my son the Bible. As he and I were talking about the Easter story at home, I kept hearing, “That’s what Grandma said.” As he has a good memory, I suspect that I will be hearing about Easter for a while.
Depression has given me a new perspective on the Easter story. I put myself into the story and thought about how I would have reacted. Honestly, I didn’t like what I saw. I have gained new perspective as to why the disciples acted as they did after the death of Jesus.
A couple of months ago, I had a weekend where I gave up. All my expectations of life came crashing down around me. I couldn’t take the overwhelming feelings that came with them. Thankfully, my husband was very understanding and gave me the time I needed to work through my feelings of failure.
The Good Friday service I attended talked about the feelings the disciples may have been experiencing as they watched all their hopes and dreams for Jesus come crashing down. Like us, they really had no idea what God was doing. All they knew was that their leader, whom they followed around for three years and thought was going to be great, was dead.
When I put my experience with watching my expectations come crashing down and the disciples watching their expectations nailed to a cross and die, I came this conclusion – the disciples acted much better than I would have. I think I would have gone home from Calvary and not gotten out of bed for the next day and a half. Would I have gone to the tomb with the other women on Sunday morning? I don’t know.
The Good Friday service brought out the fact that the disciples were scared of the Jews. They thought that since their leader was dead, the Jews would be after them next. I started to understand why Peter lied about knowing Jesus and why Jesus had to walk through a locked door to appear to the disciples. Those are the behaviors of people who are scared, who have had their lives turned upside down, and are struggling to make sense of…everything.
This Easter season has given me more compassion for the disciples. I would have acted like them or worse. I have tendency to sit on my high-and-mighty Bible knowledge stool and judge Bible characters for their actions. I am going to have a harder time doing that. They were acting human, just like me.