In my last post, I gave an explanation for why I have not been writing much lately. I wish I could say that it has gotten better since that post. But sadly, I have, once again, been having a hard time writing anything.
That doesn’t mean I don’t feel anything. I feel and think lots. I have a hard time expressing what is in my head.
This also applies to face-to-face communication. The other day, I had some things really weighing on me. But by the time I was able to see my husband to tell him, I either couldn’t remember what it was or I didn’t have the words to express myself.
With depression, it can helpful to journal. Sadly, I’m not sure I can even do that. Of course, the day I needed it, I was angry and didn’t think it would do any good. Talk about self-sabatoge.
As I have been thinking about and wallowing in my depression, I was able to briefly talk to a co-worker about what I am going through. She said that she refers to my kind of depression as walking depression.
I thought it was very good description. Like walking pneumonia, you look to the outside world as if you are perfectly normal and healthy. But inwardly, you know that you aren’t normal or healthy.
While I don’t have much energy for what life is throwing at me, I think I need to take what I do have and try to change my diet to help get myself healthy. I feel so lost and confused by the massive amount of information available.
One thing I do know, God is the giver of wisdom and ultimate healer. I keep crying out to Him help and healing.
Hopefully healing will come sooner rather than later. In the mean time, I suspect my writing will be sporadic.